You wouldn't really think that the Labour deputy leadership contest would interest the Scum much. It's a mostly worthless ceremonial position which would probably be better off being abolished than continued with, or at the very least merged into the Labour chairman role. The reason for the Scum's sudden surge of angst has been that Peter Hain, the bouffant perma-tanned Northern Ireland and Wales secretary has been rather shamelessly touting around for support by brandishing his "leftist" credentials, the very same credentials which he has spent the last few years keeping under wraps while supporting such traditional Labour values as bombing foreign countries back to the stone age, introducing top-up fees and promoting foundation hospitals.
There's nothing quite like a shameless lefty to make the Sun's blood boil, but their decision to support Alan Johnson, the not quite Blairite who was briefly heralded last year by the Blairites as being the "stop Gordon" candidate, is just as ignorant. It marks the Sun's trajectory from being hardline Thatcherite to being hardline Blairite. Blair, the man without a legacy apart from Iraq, has been so feted by the Sun that it makes you wonder whether there isn't some kind of Faustian pact between Tony 'n' Rupe. Rumours abound that Murdoch has already bought the rights to Blair's memoirs, but even that doesn't come close to explaining why the Scum is so obsessed with protecting Blair and his acolytes. Anyway, let's have a giggle at the Sun's reasoning:
FORMER postie Alan Johnson today wins The Sun’s backing to be Labour’s next deputy leader — to stop Peter Hain’s bid for the job.
Education Secretary Mr Johnson is front-runner to become Gordon Brown’s No 2.
Rival Mr Hain lurched further to the left last night when he was supported by militant train drivers.
Aslef endorsed the Ulster Secretary after more pandering to the trade unions and US-hating lefties.
Their move confirms Mr Hain as the champion of Labour’s dinosaurs.
Aslef has a long history as one of the nation’s most hated unions. It has brought misery to millions of train passengers with strikes and go-slows.
From stopping Brown to stopping Hain, Johnson might wonder just what sort of poisoned chalice is being handed him. As for Aslef bringing misery to millions of train passengers, isn't that the job of the rail franchisees, not to mention this government's continuation and expansion of the ludicrous and failed privatisation? Some on the left might reasonably retort that Johnson has lurched further to the right now that he's being supported by the Scum.
Mr Johnson, 56, is now odds-on to become deputy leader by the summer.
He will make a keynote speech in Glasgow today declaring himself as moderniser — not a throwback to the Seventies.
He will promise “renewal not reversal” in a two- fingered gesture to lefties who want to turn the clocks back to the days of union power.
Renewal not reversal sounds an awful lot like forward not back, the brilliant slogan which so exemplified the vacuousness of New Labour. Whether Johnson is odds on is also debatable - The Daily last September gave Peter Hain odds of 2/1, with Johnson on 3/1. This was before the Jon Cruddas surge - Paul Linford's summary of bloggers' support shows that Cruddas' is overwhelmingly the most favoured, and it seems likely that his appeal to the grassroots will mean that he'll be a candidate to be reckoned with, even if Lenin doesn't much like him.
Twice-married Mr Johnson will spell out how he rose to the top from humble beginnings.
He came from a broken home where his dad walked out and his mum died when he was 12.
He was brought up by his elder sister and started shelf-stacking when he quit his school in Chelsea.
He quit when he was offered a promotion at the supermarket without a pay rise. He became a postman at 18 and joined the Communication Workers Union, rising to the top to become general secretary.
During his post career he delivered to Dorneywood — the grace-and-favour mansion where deputy leader John Prescott was snapped playing croquet.
Today he will say his life is an example of the Britain he wants to see — with no barriers to success.
It must be quite something for a Sun hack to have to write a hagiography instead of a hatchet job. This is all very interesting, but this doesn't tell us anything other than the fact that he's something of a traditional Labour man. Peter Hain may have had a more stable and privileged upbringing, but he made just as an important political impact through his campaigning against apartheid. (I'm too young to remember the Sun's stance on apartheid, so if anyone would like to inform me, I'd appreciate it.)
PM-in-waiting Mr Brown has refused to endorse any of the challengers but has worked closely with Mr Johnson on education policy. Other candidates include Labour chairman Hazel Blears and constitution minister Harriet Harman.
Ex-No 10 fixer Jon Cruddas is a strong contender but Cabinet veteran Jack Straw has yet to decide on running.
The Sun doesn't see fit to mention Hilary Benn, who is a far stronger contender than Straw, Harman or the ghastly Blears. I have a funny feeling that the more Hazel Blears appears on television, the more people decide not to vote Labour, as you only have to listen to her noxious voice, her mendacious obscurantist reasoning and witness her undying allegiance to her hero, the prime minister, to see that she's about as serious a candidate as Sooty is. In fact, if you put Sooty up in the contest, he'd probably win, let alone beat Blears.
On then to the Scum's leader, more hilarity from which to come shortly:
ALAN Johnson deserves to be Labour’s deputy leader. He embodies the Britain we want to see.
His rise to the top from a humble start is a shining example to all. Mr Johnson has coped with personal tragedy and the rigours of public life.
He was a moderniser in the unions, but isn’t in hock to them. His slogan, renewal not reversal, makes perfect sense.
Makes perfect sense in that it's meaningless, which is what the Sun likes to see in its politics. Anything that isn't meaningless is a threat. His rise to the top may be a shining example, but it's not one that Mr Murdoch believes in. Rather than join in with the festival of philanthropy that media barons like Ted Turner and other billionaires are indulging in, the Dirty Digger is instead giving his children $100m each in share options.
The contrast with shameless Peter Hain could not be more stark. He is anti-American and pro-union, ingredients sure to destroy Britain.
Seeing as Hain has been part of the same Blair government that has in been in total hock to the Bush administration and which has betrayed the unions on a number of occasions, and everything's gone just swell, as evidenced by the Iraq war and the mass waste of public money on PFI and privatisation, then I don't think the Sun has much to worry about.
The rest of the bunch are has-beens. And never-will-bes.
I might end up being wrong, and I don't want to be the next Mystic Mogg, but Jon Cruddas might prove them wrong yet.
Anyway, onto the hilariously hypocritical Sun leader on gun crime:
WHEN David Cameron says society is in deep trouble, it is hard to argue with him.
No it isn't.
Their parents are the products of a disastrous combination of the liberal 1960s and 1970s followed by the “me, me, me” culture of the 1980s and 1990s.
And who more exemplified the "me, me, me" culture of the 80s than the Scum?
The new generation thinks anything goes — and that wealth and fame are life’s only worthwhile aims.
How could they have come to such a conclusion? Why don't we have a look at just some of the stories on the Sun's news page:
Anna Nicole new will mystery
TRAGIC Anna Nicole Smith left all her money to son Daniel — who died last year
From sex kitten to kerbside
IT'S been a tough year for Britney Spears, but how did it all go so wrong?
Dad Mitch on Ms Winehouse
BRITS wild child does NOT have a drink problem - says her doting dad Mitch
Charlotte wants Church wedding
CHARLOTTE Church says she will accept if boyfriend Gavin proposes on birthday
Kerry's rage at f*rting groom
KERRY Katona spent wedding night ALONE — after her new hubby couldn't stop parping
Prices right up your street
A SURVEY of England and Wales' most expensive streets is topped by Chelsea
Kenny Chesney: I'm not gay
RENEE ZELLWEGER'S former husband has hit out at gay rumours about their annulment
Weekend birthday wishes
SEXY socialite Paris Hilton will be having a capital birthday as she parties this weekend
J-Lo’s white lightning
STYLE WATCH Diva dazzles crowds wearing an Oscars-worthy elegant white gown
Jack and Jodi's delicious debut
JACK RYDER and Jodi Albert debut in their very first big-screen movie together
Can you Lind me £23,000?
YOUNG women have average credit card bill of £23k in new trend called 'the Lohan Effect'
No correlation there, obviously.
Labels: Alan Johnson, celebrity culture, hypocrisy, Jon Cruddas, Labour deputy leadership contest, Peter Hain, Scum-watch, Sun-watch